RVB Authors: Blood Gulch Days
by Unknown Nemesis
Summary: Read on as the authors in Blood Gulch interact with comedy, drama, fights, and maybe even romance...mostly comedy. Spin off of Author's Edition (My previous story)
1. Memories

**RVB Authors: Blood Gulch Days**

**(I own no authors except myself! NOTE: This is mostly NON-CANON! But the characters do remember some things that happened in the actual story! This is episode 1 of my new spin off series! Enjoy!)**

**Episode 1**

* * *

It was a silent night in Blood Gulch, most of the teams was asleep. Mainly Red Team slept soundly while most of the Blue team slept…most of them. Lightning stepped out of the entrance of Blue Base and looked around before he motioned his hand to come out. Bluetongue, Colezilla, and Alabama emerged from the base. Bluetongue held his regular rocket launcher on his back, Colezilla carried a case filled with poker chips and a deck of cards, and Alabama held a few cases of beer.

"Coast clear?" Bluetongue whispered.

"Yeah, let's go." Lightning ushered and the four Blues headed towards a small cave where a poker table sat. The four took their seats and Colezilla began to deal out the cards after giving them a quick shuffle. Alabama snapped open a few beer bottles and passed them out to the others but then splashed one of the bottles on Bluetongue's visor.

"The fuck was that for?" Bluetongue asked.

"You hit me with that warthog." Alabama snarled.

"Are you seriously STILL not over that?"

"Nope, not at all." Alabama replied.

"Ass." Bluetongue spat.

"Prick." Alabama retorted.

"Dick." Bluetongue growled.

"Kitten lover." Alabama came back.

"Don't call me that!" Bluetongue shouted.

"Ok, how about dumbass?" Alabama said.

"How about fuck you?" Bluetongue said giving the Ex-Freelancer the finger.

"Fuck you!" Alabama yelled back.

"FUCK YOU!" Bluetongue screamed.

"**FUCK YOU!" **Alabama yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Guys, guys, don't fight," Lightning said. "We're here to have some fun, remember? It's rare when we get to do things like this." Alabama and Bluetongue glared at one another and picked up their cards.

"_Lightning, it's pretty much hopeless to stop these two from fighting." _Colezilla said. _"It can't be done."_

"Nothing is impossible, Cole." Lightning implied as he picked up his cards. "Anyway, anyone got a story to tell? Something to give us some other form of entertainment?"

"How about how rocket boy here got out of that ditch?" Alabama suggested.

"Yeah, how DID you survive that?" Lightning asked.

"Well," Bluetongue began. "As you know, I drove him off the cliff and we smashed into the ground. Alabama was unconscious and the force of the warthog smashing into the ground sent me flying out of the vehicle and I hit the ground. I blacked out and a few days passed. When I woke up, I began climbing out of the ditch and I saw that the base was destroyed."

***Flashback***

Bluetongue gripped the edge of the ditch and rolled out of it and rested on the floor.

"Woo!" he cheered. "Guys, I'm back!" Bluetongue got up and looked around and his eyes practically burst out of his visor. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALFRED NOBEL?!" the bases had been completely demolished and the vehicles lied in a scrappy heap with smoke protruding from the. He ran inside the base (or what was left of it) and looked into his now vaporized room. He searched for his cat and found nothing. He fell to his knees and shook his fist at the sky. **"CURSE YOU FATE! CURSE YOU! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!" **As quick as it began, Bluetongue stood back up. "Okay, there's that phase of vengeance done." Bluetongue then checked off a label on his list saying:

-_Shout loudly at the sky  
__-Call friends  
__-Kill the sons of bitches who wronged you  
__-Party  
__-Kick Lightning's ass for leaving the toilet seat up last night  
__-Tea bag him as he's down_

Bluetongue took out his cell phone and dialed a number.

"Mega? Yeah, this is Bluetongue. Yeah, I need you to get the others. Yeah and bring Tucker…what do you mean why? He's got an energy sword that only he can work! Just get over here. I'm in Blood Gulch…DO NOT QUESTION BLUETONGUE!" with that he hung up and sat down on the ground.

***End of Flashback***

"And that's what happened." Bluetongue concluded. The other three stared at him oddly.

"O-k…" Lightning said. "Cole, what about you?"

"_I remember the time I died during the Spartan augmentations and I was rebuilt as the cyborg you see before you." _The robot replied.

***Flashback***

Colezilla walked out a few minutes after the augmentations had been applied. He waited a little bit and nothing happened.

"Hey, I guess I lived!" he said happily before he gripped his heart and fell to the ground very still. Hours later he woke up to see his vision had an orange tint to it and a few numbers appeared on the lower right portion of his vision.

"_What happened to me?" _he said but then gave a small gasp at his voice. It sounded a bit robotic and he looked down at his body to see that silver Spartan armor covered it. _"What the fuck?!" _he turned to one of the doctors who entered the room.

"Oh, I see that you've made it through after all!" he said a bit happily.

"_What the hell did you do to me?"_ Colezilla demanded.

"To put it blatantly, you died and we rebuilt you as a robot." The doctor replied.

"_Oh…well…that's stupid." _Colezilla grumbled.

"It was either that or you died." The doctor reasoned.

"_So why'd you pick me?" _Colezilla said.

"You were the first one to come to mind." The doctor said simply. A small smoke line sizzled above the robot's head.

***End of Flashback***

"So that's how you became a robot…interesting." Lightning said. He then turned to Alabama. "Hey Al, you've been kind of quiet. Any stories you might want to share back from your days?"

"Meh, I didn't really do all that much." Alabama shrugged. "I remember this one mission where I assassinated an old Insurrectionist commander by the name of Knoll and then his second in command took charge of the remaining Insurrectionist forces. I found out later his second in command's name was Razek."

***Flashback***

"Razek...what are you doing? I order you to evacuate me ASAP!" Knoll ordered.

"Knoll, I admired you. I respected you for your fearless attitude. But you've made too many screw ups. This Insurrection will fall if it remains under your rule. I've called you out of order." Razek put bluntly.

"Razek...you insubordinate dog! A thousand hells await you!" Knoll shouted.

"Sacrifices must be made for the good of the Insurrection. Also, you shouldn't be insulting the person who has your only chance of extraction." Razek replied.

"But you just said you weren't going to give me one, anyway." Knoll reminded.

"I was thinking about possibly extracting you for a second chance. But that chance is long gone now. It's time for a new leader to rise and the old to fall. Game over, Knoll. You...lose." Razek smirked as he turned his falcon and flew away, leaving his former mentor behind.

"Razek! I will see you hanged for treason-! HURK BLEH!" Knoll was cut off as something slit his throat. The radio fumbled around until someone else was using it.

"Thanks for making my job much easier." Alabama's voice cut in.

"Give this message to your Director: A new leader is in charge. Tell him, the Colonel has been promoted."

"And let me tell you this; your throat with feel the delicate lick of my blade. Also, you sound like a douchebag." Alabama smiled as he released the radio and crushed it, cutting off the link. Razek simply smirked.

"I've got _big_ plans for Project Freelancer _and _the UNSC." He said ominously.

***End of Flashback***

Alabama took a swig from his bottle and looked around at the Blue's whose jaws (Except for Colezilla's) were open. "Umm...I fold..." Alabama placed his card in the middle of the table and leaned back in his seat.

"What about you, Lightning?" Bluetongue asked. "You've asked us about our stories, how about you shared one?"

"Well, I do remember my past experiences with that game _Super Mario Bros._" Lightning said.

***Flashback***

Lightning sat at his couch in his quarters playing Mario on his Wii. He thought for a moment.

"Why the hell does Mario do this if all he gets is a cake in return? Why does this game make me go through a damn castle that's hard as hell just to be told that the Princess is in another castle? Yeah, that's a real good time waster." Lightning played the game for a few more minutes before he remembered something. He went took out the game and put in _Super Smash Bros. Brawl. _He selected Mario and picked Peach for the opponent. The game began and he proceeded to kick Peach's ass.

"Take that you stupid princess." He said. "Here's too many years of Mario's life wasted thanks to your stupidity for not having any guards."

***End of Flashback***

"And that's probably one of the reasons why I don't like Mario that much." Lightning closed his story.

"_I fold…" _Colezilla said.

"Yeah me too." Bluetongue said.

"Yippee-Ki-Yay, motherfuckers, I win!" Lightning jumped up happily. Lightning began to celebrate until them heard a voice from the entrance of the cave.

"Ahem." The four turned to see Petch standing there, armor on, and even with her helmet on, they could see she wasn't happy. "What's with all the noise?"

"We're just having fun." Bluetongue said.

"And you're making a lot of noise. My team is starting to get aroused and I'm here to tell you that this party's over and I suggest you go back to your base."

"Who's going to make us? You?" Alabama taunted. A large mantis stomped behind Petch where the weapons focused on the four blues.

"Not just her, me too." Cogg's voice said from the cockpit. The Red team's warthog drove up next to Petch with Unknown mounting the turret, Zoey driving, and BIG Z in the passenger seat, holding his rifle. Guy came in while driving the mongoose with Ace sitting behind him as she held a shotgun.

"How about all of us?" Petch suggested.

"Guys, let's run…" Lightning said.

"Oh hell no!" Bluetongue said as he took out his rocket launcher. "I fear NO ONE!" he fired off a round at the mantis and but the mech shot a few bullets and caused the rocket to explode before it made contact.

"Ok, let's run." Bluetongue said and the four bolted out of the cave.

"Well, that's that." Unknown said.

"Yeah, those guys can be really annoying." Z added. The Reds stood there for a few moments before they gathered around the table and Unknown shuffled the cards they left behind.

"So, anyone got a story to tell? Something to give us some other form of entertainment?" Cogg asked.

**-FIN**


	2. The Missing Rocket Launcher

**RVB Authors: Blood Gulch Days**

**(I own no authors except myself! NOTE: This is mostly NON-CANON! But the characters do remember some things that happened in the actual story! Enjoy!)**

**Episode 2**

* * *

The Red Base was rather quiet lately. It was midday in Blood Gulch and neither the Red or Blue teams have done anything that involved shooting at one another. Cogg sat on his couch by himself and a knock came at the door. Cogg gave a small groan as he picked up his battle rifle and walked up to the door.

"If it's another girl scout, I'm going to kill them." He mumbled as he opened the door but instead of…a girl scout (what would girl scouts be doing in Blood Gulch?), standing there was a hysterical Bluetongue who was sobbing to himself. "What's with you?"

"I lost my Rocket Launcher!" Bluetongue cried out.

"You lost your what?" Cogg asked, perplexed.

"ROCKET LAUNCHER!" Bluetongue roared. "WHICH WORD DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!"

"What's going on here?" Petch asked as she walked out of her office. "What's with all the yelling?"

"Apparently, this guy lost his Rocket Launcher." Cogg said, pointing at the bawling Blue. Petch was confused now. How could a Blue be this attached to a piece of an arsenal used for warfare?

"Um…it's okay, Bluetongue." Petch tried to assure.

"No, it's NOT okay!" Bluetongue snapped. "That was the Rocket Launcher I've used since training! Hell, I used it since I was a BABY! It was used by my father which was used by his father which was used by his brother which was used by his father which was used by _his _father which he got in the military."

"Whoa, calm down…um, why're you here exactly?" Petch asked.

"I…want to know if you happened to see it…or had it." Bluetongue choked through sobs.

"We don't have it…we only have the rocket launcher that our team was given." Cogg explained.

"Please, help me find it." Bluetongue seemed to beg. "I'll give you something in return."

"Why'd you come to us anyway?" Petch asked. "Why not ask your own team?"

"I don't know...contrivance." Bluetongue said with a shrug.

"OK." Cogg said. "Hopefully it's a good reward."

"I'll help," Petch said. "But I'm doing this because you're having a rough time and I know that weapon means a lot to you. First things first, where'd you last leave it?"

"If I knew, I wouldn't be standing here in front of you right now!" Bluetongue yelled.

"When do you last remember having it?" Cogg asked.

"Last night…" Bluetongue said.

"Did you put it anywhere?" Petch questioned.

"I just woke up and went about my normal routine and then I went to target practice, only to see that it was gone!"

"Ok, calm down, dude. Just relax." Cogg said. "We'll give you a hand."

"Let's try retracing Bluetongue's steps." Petch suggested. "Maybe that'll either jog his memory or we'll stumble across it."

"Sounds like a plan." Bluetongue said, anxious to start their search. The three entered the Blue Base and walked into Bluetongue's room where the two were rather…unnerved by what they saw. There was a book shelf on the history of explosives and a few others on how to make explosives. One of the history books in particular was based on the IRA (Irish Republican Army) who were a group notorious for bombing people.

Bluetongue's bed was probably the only thing that looks normal in the room but even that was a bit obscured by what was around it. Above the bed was a large picture frame of Alfred Nobel. Sitting next to the bed was a large locker with the label: _"Bluetongue's Weapons Locker, Don't Touch! THAT MEANS YOU, LIGHTNING!" _scratched onto the door. Cogg and Petch shivered slightly at what kind of explosive weapons he could've held in there but then turned their attention back to Bluetongue who was looking around his bed, lifting up his mattress and ripping open his large ass pillows.

"I remember waking up in the morning, not giving a single shit about the world and I grabbed my rocket launcher. I went about my business but when I went to target practice, she was gone!" Bluetongue said as he frantically looked around the room.

"She?" Petch raised an eyebrow.

"I treat my babies with respect!" Bluetongue said. "You see you call your weapons, weapons, I call them babies, and I'm smart you're retarded." Cogg fought back every urge to ram his fist into Bluetongue's throat for saying such words but managed to calm down and relaxed himself. Petch however, wasn't really bothered by Bluetongue's words and gave a small shrug.

"Well, I guess it's not here." Petch finally said.

"No shit." Bluetongue spat.

"Where else did you go to before you came to us?" Petch asked.

"I remember going to the kitchen." Bluetongue replied.

"Then that'll be our next stop." Cogg said as they exited the room. The three opened the door to the kitchen and Bluetongue began to search under the tables. Petch and Cogg gave a few looks as well before Bluetongue sighed. "It's not here either." He muttered.

"I'm sure we'll find it." Petch assured. "We just need to go to the next place you went."

"The next place I went to was the rec room where Awriter and I played some Call of Duty." Bluetongue reminded. The three began to walk out of the kitchen until they saw Lili and Colezilla standing there in the door way.

"Bluetongue…are you aware that two Reds are in our base?" Lili asked.

"Yes and I have no time for this!" Bluetongue yelled. "They're helping me look for my baby! Now move out of my way!" Bluetongue rudely shoved the two out of the way and left the kitchen while Petch sighed.

"Sorry." She said. "He's unnervingly attached to that rocket launcher of his."

"It's cool." Lili replied. "Isn't everyone creeped out by that?"

"Yeah, no kidding." Cogg replied.

"_Bluetongue may need help with his mentality which is around 43% insane with explosives." _Colezilla said. The two Reds left the kitchen and followed Bluetongue to the rec room where Awriter was playing a round of Nazi Zombies. Bluetongue walked in and grabbed Awriter by the collar of his armor.

"What the hell?!" Awriter gasped out as Bluetongue lifted him off the ground.

"My rocket launcher." Bluetongue snarled. "Where is it?"

"Dude, let me go!" Awriter yelled.

"Bluetongue put the kid down." Petch said in a stern voice.

"What're you my mother?" Bluetongue said to her. "I don't take orders from you! Now as for you, Awriter, start talking or guts fly!" Petch and Cogg grabbed Bluetongue and yanked him off Awriter. The two held the raging Blue back with all their might.

"You must think I'm stupid!" Bluetongue shouted. "You must be contributing with someone to steal my rocket launcher!"

"Wait, so THAT was YOUR rocket launcher JZ took?" Awriter said. Bluetongue's eyes sparked in flames.

"WHAT?!" he exclaimed. "WHERE?!"

"I saw JZ heading out to destroy the Red base with it." Awriter explained. Bluetongue's eyes suddenly widened.

"**OUT OF MY WAY!"** he shouted as he bolted out the door, leaving the two Reds in the dust. Petch and Cogg sprinted behind him where JZ stood in front of the base, holding Bluetongue's special rocket launcher. As he was about to pull the trigger, Bluetongue jumped and landed behind him with a loud THUD to get his attention. His ominous shadow loomed over the smaller blue and practically blocked out the sun. JZ slowly turned around and saw Bluetongue and he suddenly dropped the weapon.

"Oh, h-hey, Bluetongue!" he said, trying to sound innocent. "I-I was just trying to…" Bluetongue cut him off by grabbing ahold of his throat.

"You…stole…my…**BABY!" **Bluetongue said demonically as he began to kick JZ's ass while Petch and Cogg caught up, almost out of breath.

"Man, he's fast…" Cogg panted. Bluetongue smashed JZ's visor into his knee, cracking it, he then punched him in the gut a few times before throwing him down and kicking him in the dirt. He finished off his beating by delivering a hard stomp to the groin. Bluetongue then picked up his rocket launcher and hugged it close to his body.

"My baby is back home!" he said cheerfully.

"Hey Bluetongue, did you say you were going to us a reward for helping you find it?" Cogg reminded while Petch face palmed herself. Bluetongue smirked.

"Oh yeah, I remember," he said. "I've got JUST the present!" Bluetongue whipped around and aimed his rocket launcher at the two.

"What're you doing?!" Petch said a bit shocked.

"I thought you were giving us a reward?!" Cogg said, equally as stunned.

"I never said it was going to be a GOOD reward!" Bluetongue snickered. "Now start running!"

"An't we talk this out?!" Cogg tried to reason but Bluetongue fired off a rocket that narrowly hit the Red in the head.

**"RUN!" **Bluetongue asserted. Petch and Cogg bolted away as Bluetongue fired madly as them, cackling all the way. Petch may have been panicked by his insanity but for some reason, she was happy for him that he got his weapon (I mean baby) back and was back to normal. Cogg on the other hand…yeah, was not.

"HAHAHAHAAA! COME BACK HERE AND FACE YOUR "REWARD"!" Bluetongue laughed as he continued to fire.

**-FIN**

* * *

**Well, Bluetongue is certainly having a lot of fun. Though Petch and Cogg aren't but don't worry, vengeance shall be there's another time! See ya next time and read and review!**


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